Saturday, November 11, 2017

Writing and Posting Blogs in the Classroom

Although I have not been doing so much personal process blog posting, I have been doing a lot of blog posting for school. Basically, whenever I ask students to write blog post, which is about 7 different classes every 2- 3 weeks, I also write one with them right there in the classroom on the projection screen and I also usually post them and put their links on the updated class syllabus for them to go back and check out, which I guess some actually do. Sometimes, I leave blank lines for them to fill in their own words. It’s kind of like guided writing or paint by numbers, but with words instead of colors.

In the past, I didn’t really consider this kind of writing to be associated with my process. However, now in considering how I am assisting the students (my intention) while also assisting myself, I guess I would classify classroom writing to be part of my personal process. Why? Because, as one of my main goals or reasons for walking with Desteni and doing my personal process of self change has been to change myself to understand and live the word, care as a doing without having to force myself to do so.

Now, although I hadn’t consciously considered this point in some time, I have occasionally  been noticing some personal behavioral changes in relation to others, wherein I would do or say something in relation to them in ways that seemed to indicate to me that I actually cared.  Usually, it would just be a moment wherein I look up and quizzically wonder as what I had done or said and that would be the last of it. Then, the other day  as I was showing students how they could outline their self-introductions by first listing some of their most noteworthy personal traits, I wrote the word, care as one of the personal traits that I would include in my self-introduction. As I was writing that word on the board, I stepped back for a moment and looked into myself to see if I was being self honest. Do I really care, I asked myself. My answer without hesitation was yes. And in that moment, I realized that, in assisting others to write and doing so almost effortlessly, I was actually living the word, care. One more thing, although it may look as though the students are playing with their phones, they’re actually using them to write and post their blogs.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

GC&CL Blog post 2: Ancient AI and the Truth about Humans

Today I am going to talk about a blog post called Ancient A.I. (artificial Intelligence) and the Truth about Humans.

In this article, the author says that ____ _____ ____... Do I agree with this? Yes/Not really, because...

Furthermore, he says that... and... While I agree with some of the author's points, I also disagree with some of the things he says. For example, in terms of _____, I think/do not think that... Why? Because....

Additionally, even though the author says..., I think that... Why? Because...

Furthermore, in terms of ______, I agree/disagree that... Why? Because...

In conclusion, (say the main points that you agree/disagree with.

SAU3 Blog post 2: Artificial Intelligence

Today I am going to talk about a blog post called Ancient A.I. (artificial Intelligence) and the Truth about Humans.

In this article, the author says that humans are already the ultimate AI. already exist in/as the human mind. Do I agree with this? Well...

Furthermore, he says that... and... While I agree with some of the author's points, I also disagree with some of the things he says. For example, in terms of _____, I think/do not think that... Why? Because....

Additionally, even though the author says..., I think that... Why? Because...

Furthermore, in terms of ______, I agree/disagree that... Why? Because...

In conclusion, (say the main points that you agree/disagree with.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

The Most Difficult Part of Writing

I often say that the most difficult part of writing is writing the first word. I don’t have the words that I will write all planed out. However, I have found that once I begin writing, the words eventually just seem to pan out as though it were the words writing themselves out and not me. This makes sense to me because, as I was telling my students today, “In the beginning there was the word and the word was…” Some say “god” and some say “sound.” I say that the word, god and sound are one in/and/of the same. Therefore, to say that, the word is god as the creator (and not the other way around) as the power that creates is perhaps not so far fetched. For, what am I, what are we but the words we speak as the sounds we create? And what is it that we create - ourselves as the words we sound. We as sound are the words we create as ourselves; hence the importance (I guess) of being of sound mind to stand equal with the body of sound.

That being said, perhaps not as precisely (or rightly) as I am able to say, yet nevertheless said, I have an idea, an old idea of mine and it goes like this. As words are the building blocks or DNA/design of ourselves and this physical reality, shouldn’t we be able to manipulate, create or at least change reality to an extent via our words? I’ve written about this before, how the magic of magicians used to “really” alter the physical reality. Somewhere along the line, I guess that art seems to have been lost. I have often thought that it should stay lost. Even when I heard someone say that the age of magic would return, I had no interest in it because it is not a permanent solution and sometimes creates even bigger problems. However, as so much of the world does seem to be going to pot, hell in a handbag or whatever it is that they say, perhaps what the world needs now is a little magic - as spells or words specifically directed.

Actually, it’s not magic like abracadabra and the genie appears. It’s simply or difficulty a matter of writing out the correct words, sometimes called spells and this is what I plan on experimenting with for a while, writing spells and casting them out into our reality. I realize that this may sound strange to some. However, for me it’s one of those certainties that I’ve had for quite some time. In short, I “believe” or perhaps I should say “theorize” that words as spells written and cast correctly may become quite a force of reality. The key to understand (and also why I have not spent so much time on this) is that the force we create with words is not permanent. In other words, the spells of one, cast into a lot of many may for a moment have what appears to be a big impact, kind of like a smartphone battery wired to turn over the engine of a car. It will do it, but only for a moment. Of course, if there are many batteries working together, then the effects will be longer lasting. Ideally, all the batteries could one day be connected and focused on creating the same outcome, that which is best for all.

This is why in the past I have encouraged others to target our words for maximum impact to the benefit of others. Key here to writing right and casting such words or spells is to do so from the starting point intention of creating outflows that are best for all. The risk in all of this is that, in supporting one area, another one may be diminished. Again, this is all just a theory/belief and this post is but a record and a warm up as part of my experiment to support the solutions that are ready to be implemented.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Caring for Myself as I Care for Others = Getting out of my Comfort Zone

Recently I have been explaining to various classes of students my intention to get them out of their comfort zones by having numbers of them stand up, walk away from their desks to find someone whom they are not so familiar with and interview that person. My goal in all of this, including having them present what they have learned about that person is to assist them to expand themselves by pushing or nudging them as I would have instructors do unto me if I were in their shoes. A slight problem that I’ve noticed though with this is that I don’t so often do unto and for myself as I sometimes do for others and as I would certainly have others do unto and for me.

Thankfully though, I do sometimes trick myself into getting out of my comfort zones as I did the other day when I invited myself and some others to a friend’s home in Puli, Nantou, Taiwan for a barbecue. After, I had done that and my friend had agreed, I thought to myself, I don’t wanna do that. It would  require either me drinking non-alcohol beer or spending the night in a guest house and the last time I did that (stayed in that guest house), I got HongKong feet - as it’s called in Taiwan. In the states, we refer to it as athlete’s foot, but I guess it’s just a form of bacterial (correction - fungal) growth in the cracks of the feet that’s gotta be cleaned and cared for. Either way, it’s not pleasant, yet there are number of ways of dealing with it WITHOUT POISONING THE BODY WITH ANTI-BACTERIAL (correction - antifungal) CHEMICALS.

The easiest way being to rub one’s urine into the cracks of the foot thereby neutralizing the destructive bacteria. Washing it with a high ph solution of sodium bicarbonate and water will also usually solve the problem. BTW, sodium bicarbonate, the good stuff is one of those wonders that, when used correctly, is able to assist in relieving and solving so many physical ailments. It’s also good for washing clothes, brushing teeth (with coconut oil) and household cleaning.

Anyway, by not thinking it through and inviting myself and others to my friend’s home for a barbecue, I left myself, the expert at backing out of engagements, with no, shall I say, forgivable way out.  Thus, I went and even though I was the only friend to show up, I enjoyed myself at the barbecue in the company of my friend and his partner. Additionally, I spent the night at at that same guest house, met some interesting people, found it to be quite pleasant and (being sure to wear slippers into the bathroom and shower) I avoided picking up any unwanted bacteria = no bacterial infections on the feet, all of which I wouldn’t have accomplished had I not gotten myself away from my little home away from home and out of my comfort zone. This leaves me wondering: how often and where else am I not doing unto and for myself that which I am willing to do unto and for others as a doing aligned with living the word, care?

Where else am I not caring enough for myself to push myself out of my comfort zones? Dare I count the ways? No, instead I simply forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide in my comfort zones instead of pushing myself to get out and connect with new people. Furthermore, when and as I find myself leaning towards staying home in the "safety" of my comfort zone, I commit to push through the uncertainty (which is actually a fear of leaving the zone) so to get out of my zone, meet some new people and perhaps even have some fun. I see a spark that is starting to glow. Perhaps it is time to fan and ignite it. After all, the spark is me as an opportunity.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Is the Future Influencing the Present?

Interview Requests
The other day, I woke up in the last segment of a dream. In looking to the Northeast,  across the sea, far in the distance, I could see the flashes of nuclear explosions as they detonated over far away lands. I told the peoples on the shores not to look at the flashes and then I continued to walk along the sea’s edge among the arguing parties of human beings. Looking to the Northwest, I could see more nuclear explosions going off. Don’t look at the blasts, I told the people as I walked along occasionally peering up as though I would peer for a moment at the sun, just enough to see it, but not enough to have my eyes be burned by it. Throughout the dream, I was communicating with someone about an expedition that I and others had set out on. It was just in the end of the dream that I awoke. It was the end of a time; yet it was also the beginning of something new.

That dream being said, there is another point I would like to explore that has to do with viewing or imagining future playouts and choosing which path to take. Recently, I read an article of an article on quantum theory that postulated that the future may be influencing the present. My take on this subject is and has been that this is indeed what is happening. Yet not necessarily in relation to past, present and future, but more along the “one” line of events called play-outs. If I let go of my linear perceptions of the X/Y cross of time for a moment to look and consider the quantum possibilities beyond the illusion of there being somewhere else other than here as everywhere in each moment, I see or perceive that everything that is here including what I call the past, present and future is everything. Thus, in asking myself in which moment the so-called future me  would most likely choose to correct my mistakes, I would say that, in this physical existence, mistakes are best correct in the sequence, at the point of creation, the point that they played out in order to change the composition of the foundation we walk upon, rather than attempting to correct them from a distance down the line - like trying to fix the first floor of a building from the ninety-ninth floor.

What does all this have to do with where I am now? In looking back at some decisions that I made in relation to the community where my partner and I own a house, I decided to take a more difficult path even though I knew it would be more difficult, because I considered it to be an opportunity for my partner to challenge and expand herself. What I didn’t realize at the time is that I too would be challenged with the opportunity to expand and change myself.

Now, in consideration of quantum theory (very loosely defined of course so as not to waste my physical body by over thinking that which my mind was probably not designed to comprehend), when I look at various points, I see that in walking or re-walking that path, I still made quite a few mistakes. However, my partner seems to be meeting the challenges. Thankfully, I am still here, at or near the location where I made the mistakes. Thus, I take responsibility for changing myself while I am still here.

In terms of space time, sure, I guess the future is influencing the present and this is why opportunity to change is always right here.  

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Mind Reboots

I have been noticing some changes in my mind consciousness system that I guess I should record - for the record. About 3-4 weeks ago, I began noticing some strange occurrences or perspectives. The first one has to do with time. It seemed to slow down to a crawl and for a while I kept thinking different days were days ahead of where they actually were. I’m not sure what brought on this memory lapse or forgetfulness. Perhaps it had a lot to do with the stress that I was going through at the time. Either way, as I was walking through those points, I also became aware of a large  buildup of energy throughout my body. I seemed as though the energy was filling up my body to my forehead where I experienced a lot of pressure and heat. While all this was going on, I also noticed that I was becoming very irritable and sometimes argumentative. As I became more aware of these strange happenings in my mind/body relationship, I also stepped up my guard on my thoughts and my interactions with others so not to fall into (another) energetic possession.

As the days went by, I was in deed able to restore a degree of self-directedness. However, I also realized that something had changed in me. As I was speaking with my partner and others, I listened to my voice tonality and I observed how I was experiencing myself. Whereas over the past couple of years, I had been making progress in determining the tonality of my words, how I express and/or experience myself in relation to others, I suddenly noticed that my sound/physical interaction with others was stale - for lack of a better word. It is as though all of the changes (especially in terms of caring) that I have been directing and pushing myself to be and become had suddenly reverted back to square one, as though my mind had erased all of the new lines that I had written and rebooted to where I had been before I started this process - from consciousness to awareness.

Thankfully, even though the changes that I had been inputting into my mind consciousness system and  walking physically to change my nature appear to have been deleted (for lack of a better word), I still retain the knowledge of the tools of self-change and the determination to continue changing myself. Additionally and perhaps most importantly, I remember how through changing the tonality of my words, how much more I had enjoyed myself in relation to others. In short, there is no way I’m going back to that staleness.

Listening to the staleness, disconnected, distant and uncaring sound in which I had begun to speak and relate to others for a very short time during these recent times disgusted me - to put it simply. Herein I realize that, even if my mind reboots a thousand times and even if I get caught up and possessed by it, I am always able to stand back up and continue walking to change myself as I care to be and become - and this is what I am doing, step by step.

In looking at this point, I am not one hundred percent sure what has been going on with me. My guess is that my mind just rebooted. For more on this topic, I’m going re listen to this Eqafe interview: Introducing Energy Keeping Systems & Your Awareness - Quantum Mind Self Awareness.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

As Summer Comes to a Close

The Battle line of the Within and the Without
Recently, I had a dream that I noted.
In the first part of the dream, I was lucid, like aware that I was in a place where I could fly and that I had been there before, yet lacked the memory. I flew high over the lands until I came to the place where I could fly no further. There was a village and many children greeted me with unconditional hugs and embraces just the way my best dog-friend used to do. One of them told me some important news, something to do with having completed something but still having much to do. I left that aspect of the dream and suddenly I was facing someone much bigger than me, whom I had defined as my enemy, but was just my ego. He started pushing me around and I ended up putting him on the ground very hard. I did that on purpose because, even though I did not want to harm him, I did what to take the fight out of him. For a moment, I feared that I had harmed him. Suddenly, he opened his eyes and his mouth became an angry grimace. At that point, I knew he wasn’t going to stay down and that’s when I awoke. Inside of me, while I see I am still divided, I am also still committed to walking my process from consciousness to awareness. That being said, I am also so confused.

As summer comes to a close, as my so-called summer vacation enters the final ten day stretch, I wonder why I even call it a vacation. To be honest, I don’t have vacations, at least not in terms of vacating one place for a more accommodating place. The idea is that, as work is sometimes stressful, not having to go to work ought to be relaxing. Doesn’t work that way for me. My vacation to my home in the northern city has been a stressful experience for me. However, this is not to say that I consider it to be a bad or regretful thing. Actually it has been a wonderful (but not fun) opportunity for me to see and face points of myself that I have yet to completely deal with. In other words, I am still working on them, myself. The points I’m speaking of have to do with authority, defiance, victimization and perhaps even jealousy. There are probably more; like I said, these are confusing times for me.

In writing out my perspective of my war and my confusing times, I noticed that I was projecting onto and blaming the other sides instead of taking complete responsibility for all sides "of my perspective". Thus, I rewrote things out to take complete responsibility. However, in doing that, I noticed that the pendulum had swung back to the point wherein I was now judging and blaming myself. Finally, In looking for the middle ground or a line that I could draw, I begin to realize that it is not about which path one takes to get where he or she is going, but about who one is in relation to self and others while walking that path.  Whether one stays and fights or walks away, self-change occurs not in the outcomes of such decisions, but from within and as the determination to decide who one is while walking such decisions. Specifically, in this reality, there is no right or wrong path and there is no winning or losing, only the decision to continue walking, facing one's self and changing.  Thus, it is for me and each of us to choose our paths and determine for ourselves who each  is and will be. Words of wisdom?  Not quite yet, I still have to test them out and live them into real change.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

The Flaw of Logic

There is so much that I don’t understand as in an awareness of the consequences I cause unto myself and everything else through all of existence because of what I do or do not do. Whether I speak of the big or I speak of the small, it doesn’t matter because they are one in and of the same. That being said, today I am looking at the word, logic, today and already there is a pain in my stomach as if to say, don’t go there.

I guess this is because of a realization or perhaps a new consideration in relation to what I refer as “logic.” This morning, while listening to an interview or podcast by a being from the Atlantean race, on the subject of the cross-manifestations that began appearing in the design of structure of beings’ molecules, it occurred to me that, logic is but an judgment of how information should flow from the past to the present and into the future.

Whereas, I used to wonder why so many people couldn’t comprehend my simple logic, I now begin to see that even the simplest of logic is flawed due to one’s  biases or culture of what is considered to be right and wrong. Yea, culture is just another form of logic based the perception of what was considered right and wrong in the past should still be considered that way in the present. This is I guess one of the ways we have pinned ourselves to our crosses of righteousness. In carrying with me my past definitions of right and wrong and attempting to pin my logic onto others in the present in the hopes that things will flow “my way” into the future, I have miss assessed and over complicated so many situations.

The bottom line is that, I really must let go of the idea of right and wrong as a means of deciding what to do. Better to replace such a consideration with, what is best for all. And if that gets too complicated, perhaps it’s best to simply ask, what would I have everyone else do if they were standing in my shoes and I in theirs?

Sunday, August 20, 2017

From "My Way or the Highway" to Humbleness and Understanding

In my previous post, Opportunity in Consequence, I touched on a realization I’m beginning to open up and understand in relation to my idea of standing up for my rights and my right to live my way according to such  rights. In short, this was as it has been with me, a my way or the highway self-definition, wherein I justified my way because as I viewed it, it was the best and therefore the right way for all involved. However, what I did not realize was that, if the best way for all is not an option for all, then it is not actually the best way for all. Thus,  when searching for the best solution, I now see, realize and understand that, that which is best for all, will also account for the perspective-awareness of all involved, so to be applicable or applied by all involved. This is a major realization for me and in looking at how simple this point seems, I am tempted to wonder why I didn’t see it sooner. Thankfully, I have also begun letting go of the search for “why,” so to focus on actually changing myself. Thus, while I have much self-forgiveness to write out and sound, I am also going to choose some words to redefine on the path to better living.
Self forgiveness
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to create within and as me a point of defiance in reaction to my feeling of helplessness or inability to live according to my rights as I defined them.
  • I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being feckless in relation to stopping preventing from feeling humiliated, instead of directing myself to see/realize and understand that, as the humiliation I have experienced originated from within/as myself, all I have to do is to change/shift myself from the definition of being humiliated to that of honoring myself by utilizing my opportunities to see and face such points my process of changing myself for the better, the way I care to have all others stand in relation to me.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my experience of myself, based on the actions of others, therein limiting my experiences to my definitions of their actions instead of taking completed responsibility for who I am by choosing which words to live, redefining them to my specifications as the best I am able to live and then living such words in any given moment.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my way was right and therefore best for all, instead of  utilizing my ability to look into people to see and consider their points of view so to compromise for the betterment of all, which is not really a compromise, but a practical consideration for the structure of the environment that the problem resides. Herein, I now see, realize and understand that, the best solution, that which is best for all will account for the perspective-awareness of all involved so to be applicable and willingly applied to all involved.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be vindicated by the system, thereby tying who I am to the outcomes of system instead of determining how I will stand within/as this and all matters by choosing a word for the occasion/moment, redefining it and living it. Herein, in relation to any dispute, I commit to embody and live my definition of the phrase, humbleness and understanding.
Self Commitments:
  • When and as I find myself entering into or facing a point of humiliation, I commit to sound the word “humbleness” so to shift myself into and as a sound/physical presence, neither proud nor arrogant, yet self-honestly aware of the best that I am able to be in relation to my environment and determined to move that way = my new way.
  • When and as I find myself considering and/or physically facing people with different perspectives, I commit to sound the phrase, “humbleness within and as understanding,” where, in addition to embodying and living the word humbleness, I utilize my ability to consider and understand other people’s perspectives, who and why they are; herein, seeing them as one with me while also standing as an example of how, in working together to mend our relations, we also change ourselves for the better, together.
  • When and as I find myself facing a point in the physical reality relating a disagreement, I commit to sound the words humbleness and understanding, embody the definition within and as me and live it in relation all aspects and people involved. Herein, I now determine who I will be and how I will stand in relation to all things.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Opportunity in Facing Consequence

I had defined myself as being oppressed, tormented and ostracized for standing my ground, not bowing down to what was wrong and never ever letting myself be pushed around. I viewed the masses as following the bullies who would direct the masses in what I considered to be the wrong directions. I didn’t appreciate the directions that the masses chose to go in and I didn’t respect them for following the self-interested few. However, as long as they they left me alone and didn’t push me to fall in line and join their wrong direction, I would leave them alone.  Keep moving was my motto because I feared that once I settled down, my right to be different would  surely be challenged. This is a shortened description of how I’ve been relating to my external reality for a long time. Although, I often wondered what was going on inside of me, for the most part, I kept myself unaware. I am still not sure why.

I perceived that the world was against me, at least most of humanity and surely the system it seemed. It always seemed to me that people would insist that I do as the others did and I viewed this as a form of oppression. The more I resisted against my experience of being inferiorized, the more I would feel as though I were being tormented. Thus, in reaction to my experience of inferiority, I became defiant which I defined as superiority. Thus, instead of letting myself be pushed around, I would push back. Instead of having to obey, I would wherever I could, take command. And if they still refused to leave me alone, I would make them pay. This was my secret way, and strangely enough, I had even kept this secret from myself.

Thus, I embodied in so many ways, the nature of that which I believed I was fighting against my whole life, that of the evil few. Interestingly, I could never hide from myself the nature of me. I viewed it as an evil lurking within me, I just didn’t understand why. I still do not understand why and maybe I never will. At the very least, however, I am beginning to see the pattern and from this glimpse, I am able to change myself to how I would prefer to be.

I see now that the construct of defiance has dominated me for most of my life. In fear of being dominated and forced to obey, I sought to dominate in so many ways - via manipulation, intelligence, perseverance, etc., and lastly by force. It’s strange that, even when this pattern was presented for me to hear and see, I didn’t or I wouldn’t.

Now I see that, sometimes when we’ve built up and reinforced patterns within and as us to such an extent, it really is necessary to walk through some consequence to bring about that sunken feeling wherein one surrenders and lets down his or her wall of protection to (for a moment of opportunity) see the pattern and take responsibility for it.

Thus, while walking through the consequences such as negative energy experiences while surrendering and letting down one’s defenses, it is important to also be looking for the patterns with the intention of changing self to no longer embody that pattern. Otherwise, the pattern will simply re establish itself as one attempts to regain the positive experience. Thus, my commitment to myself: When and as I find myself facing a point of consequence, I commit embrace the energetic experience, look into it as me to see the pattern that played out in arriving at the consequence. In seeing the pattern, I commit to forgive myself and change the definitions to non-polarized words for me to live.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Ego's Revenge

I had a dream last night. A man about three feet taller than me was was holding my partner and I hostage in our home. He was attempting to put chains on us when I finally stated, enough is enough and I took the chains and threw them out the window. The big guy started pushing me around and asked me what the hell I was doing, what was happening to me and why I was being such a wimp and wimping out. I said to him, I’m done with this, I’m not playing this game any more. In the dream, the man who was a meter taller and much stronger than I, has been with me for a long time. Unfortunately, it is I as ego. For more on the Revenge of the Ego, click here.

I now see that, that I’ve been viewing my whole life through the eyes of ego, inferiorized into a constant state of fight which I defined as my one strength which could never be taken away from me. Nevertheless, in fighting for my right to be right and go the right way, my way, I was wrong. For, once the group (as small as a few or as large as all of humanity) decide to go down a path, even if it’s less than the best and they are being led by crooked ones, my responsibility to all is to go along so as not to make things even worse. I see this now due to recent developments in my community.

By fighting for my right not to obey and follow the interests of the few, I was as them, fighting for my self-interests, which even if my solution was the better one, it was still the wrong of me to refuse to go along with them down that path. Why? Because in fighting for my right to take my own path and not go along with the group, even though I considered their path to be deceptive and wrong, I ended up causing their path as well as mine to be even worse than it would have been if I had just gone along and this is the lesson I’ve learned.

Herein, when and as the group make a choice, whether it be for better or worse, I commit to go along with that choice, down that path with them so perhaps to make the path better for us all as we move along and at the very least, not make it any worse.

Monday, August 14, 2017

The Nail that Sticks Out

I have often used the statement, “the nail that stands up gets hammered down” in an effort to justify never  backing down unless it was a strategic stand down. My rationale stems from my fear of being hammered down, again and again. Who would I be if I bowed down and obeyed the rules of the few that I consider to be abusive? Who would I be if I ignored that which I consider to be abusive? What if I turned around, picked up my belongings and walked away, would that solve the problem that I experience within and as myself? Nooooo...

I have often felt as though my only opportunity to live is right now and if I let someone take even the least of my rights away, I would be responsible for denying myself such rights. From there, I thought it would just be a matter of before I joined the crowd of hammered down nails ignoring their own rights and the rights of others. Sooner or later I would find myself jealous and angry towards those who weren't willing to accept and the rule of the few as the status quo. Would I then join the mobs for the burnings and the lynchings?

Or maybe I’ve got it all wrong; maybe the so-called rights that I’m holding onto are in reality just worthless baggage. My rights, his rights, her rights, what does it all amount to if I never get to live the life that I’m fighting for. Or is it that, for me the fight is how I’ve chosen to be because it’s what I prefer to do rather than  face myself  as the cause and the consequence?

I’ve learned some things along the way. The first and most important one is that I have to change myself in order to change how I view my reality. I’ve been doing this and now I’m beginning to realize seriously that that the reality as I thought I knew is will disappear. Perhaps that’s how it must be in order to create something new - out with the old, in with the new…

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Freedom within Structure

In the past, I used to believe that freedom meant the opportunity to do as we pleased as long as no one harmed anyone else. It was an easy, child like way of thinking for me because deep down inside I knew that I was not out to harm anyone. Lots of laughs, albeit somewhat sad and ironic. For within my past definition of “Freedom,” I had, also “enslaved” myself by and to my own design of the dome within and as my very own mind. Specifically, in defining “freedom” as my right to do as I pleased as long as I did not hurt anyone, I had imprisoned myself in myself to an ongoing fight for my right to have and achieve the impossible. I only wanted to explore what was here and have some fun. Unfortunately, whereas this was easy enough to conceive in my mind, it’s not that simple, not even possible in the current physical reality. Thus, I’ve begun to redefine freedom to include a consideration of the structure of my body and the environment I happen to be in.

As everything is connected from the within to the without and vise versa, every movement within the structure of our reality affect the design/structure of everything as a whole. Thus it is that, within and as the freedom of our reality there is also a design of the  the structure and foundation upon which our so-called free dome is based. Thus, the reality of our freedom, be it mental or be in physical is always going to be limited to an extent based on the design of reality. This means that there is no such opportunity to just do as I please without hurting anyone unless that which I please is in all ways what is best for all.  

Freedom within the structure of reality
  • Freedom: free to do and create as one will within the dom (dome) of reality based on the design of the current reality.
  • Structure: the design parameters, strengths and weaknesses of my reality “under the dome.” Whether it be called freedom, kingdom, boredom, stardom, fiefdom, etc., I require to consider that in order to function optimally in relation to one another within the dome.
Understanding that, freedom to live within the structure or design of this physical existence  comes with the responsibility to consider the parameters or limitations of the structural design of for example my physical body and the physical environment  is perhaps a key to enjoying life within within this physical existence.

Herein, I begin to see that nothing is actually free, everything comes with responsibility.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Seeing Where I Am by Assisting and Supporting Another

Last weekend, I went to visit a friend that I had not seen in almost three years. In him or through him, in terms of my memory of how I was in relation to him in the past, I considered (through a form of practical comparison) how I am now, i.e., if and how I’ve changed in relation to him. What I noticed most was how much I listened, really listened without judgments and so on which I would have used in the past to rebuke what he had said. Instead, I considered how I could assist him to move past the same points it seems he’s been dealing with for a long time, ever since I’ve known him.

I was not aware of very much to say that would have outweighed the support of simply listening to what he had to say. I see that he and so many others are caught in the same current. So close to the assistance and support of a shore. Yet in not seeing or even imagining how differently their lives could be, they seem torn between looking for a solution out there, while refusing to see or acknowledge that it’s right here - the question and the answer within and as themselves.

The potential is there. Where, I wonder is the will to shift the eyes from searching out there to looking within? I was able to see this point in him perhaps because it’s a point that has been very relevant for me, the point of pushing myself to bring everything back to me even though it is often the exact opposite of what I feel like doing. I could see in my friend the potential or ability to change himself and his life for the better; yet I did not see the will, meaning that, it was his decision to be in that location and on some level he was aware of this.

As with “all” points these days, the sooner I bring them back to me, the sooner I will myself to resolve them. Thus, in terms of the first point of noticing how much I listened and considered how to assist, I note that I have in thought, word and in deed changed myself to better care for others, which shows me that I am also better caring for myself. Cool.

The second point, not completely seeing what to say to him or show him is of the realization of the reality of proces. In other words, in suggesting to him that he get a desk and begin writing, I was sharing with him the best tool that I’ve found for changing myself through writing out as patterns of acceptances and allowances to physically see the entanglements to write them right like a map to guide one’s self to change one’s living. Sometimes we change slowly and sometimes we change quickly. The key as I see it is to keep writing right the map of the plan of one’s life, so to at least have a plan. No one can do the writing for another; we are only able to do it for ourselves and this is cool because it's how we are able to see and be certain of the point of self creation.

The third point and this is an important one, has to do with not seeing his will to push through and face the realization that each one of us, ultimately is responsible for how we’ve been and who we are. As this point of pushing through various points, I’ve noticed that I’ve sometimes carried self-judgments into my writings of the map of how I thought I should be. This resulted me having to loop back to the point to have to face it again and again until I forgave and let go of the self-judgments so to see clearly where I was and wasn't aligned to my plan. For example, in recent confrontations or disputes that I’ve been involved in, I had judged myself as being manipulating for seeing or guessing the play outs and not coming up with and implementing a solution that would immediately end the disputes. However, what I didn’t immediately see was that, walking points within the system to create solutions based on the system that is here, requires practice or practical knowledge. In the bigger picture, this means that sometimes it’s necessary to walk these disputes through in the system while taking advantage of the opportunities to change one’s self in the process. In other words, sometimes the problem is part of the process and the most convenient route is not necessarily the best solution. I will write more on this in the future.

Finally, for this post, I would like to say that I really appreciate the assistance support that I’ve been receiving from Desteni, especially from the latest interviews on Eqafe.

Monday, July 24, 2017

The Simplicity of Redefining & Living Words

On the subject of redefining words, I had had some difficulties because I attempted to make it too complex. In other words, I thought that I had to have a special/unique word for every moment of my day to precisely determine and define how I cared to express myself constantly and continuously.

Then, a few nights ago while walking in the park with my partner, I noticed that I was becoming irritated. At first, in beginning of that moment (of realization) I had already started to project or blame my irritation onto my partner for speaking. However, in that same moment, before the projection even reached her, I stopped it and brought it back to myself. It only took an instant for me to look into me (at the energetic point that I had defined as irritation) to see that the point  was actually of fatigue - having driven 7 hours that day - that had triggered the definition of irritation within and as me. Thus, all still in the same moment, it occurred to me to simply choose a different word, one that I would prefer to embody and live.

Whereas in the past, I might have spent time searching the perfect word and ended up missing the opportunity to actually change myself in that same moment; this time, I simply chose the the first correction that came up and it wasn’t just a word, it was a sentence, “walking in the park and conversing.” Still in that same moment, having simply said the words “walking in the park and conversing” and seen the sentence in my mind, I decided and committed myself to live those words and I did just that.  

From an experience of irritation wherein I as my mind had been looking to project blame onto my partner,  I instead made the decision, who I would be in that moment, by choosing and stating the word (or words) to become and live. The key point that I realized in all of this (which I had been missing) was the simplicity of redefining and living words. In other words, I now see that it’s not necessary to complicate things with fancy words. Walking in the park and conversing is just that, walking in the park and conversing. Lol, I used to think that, in redefining words, I had to choose words such as joyful or jolly expression even though it was just a judgment of how I believed I should be and not necessarily how I really cared to be or even how I self-honestly saw myself as being.

In short, by determining or choosing the words that I cared to live, stating them and trusting myself to stand as and live wholly the words that I stated, I also released myself of the energetic definition of irritation. How? Because in wholly committing to embrace and live the words, “walking in the part and conversing,” I also wholly redefined who I was and how I would be in that moment, therein leaving no room of for the energetic definition/experience of irritation. In this simplest of moments, I realized that I am in thought, in word and in deed able to change who I am in a moment.

Although these days I sometimes take for granted being able to see my thoughts as they move, almost like me as the being, stopping time inside of me to look into me and see how things are moving in the mind consciousness system of my physical body, I am also quite aware of the process that I have been walking with Desteni.  For more on simply redefining words, have a look at the Facebook pages, Self and Living or School of Ultimate Living.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Manipulation and Frustration as my War Continues

In relation to my war with some members of the community and the community in general, there are a few more points that I was able to see, yet refused to admit. From the beginning, in looking at, calculating  or imagining the playout of events, I saw fairly accurately to where we are now in terms of the legal battles. Furthermore, I envisioned the legal experience my partner would be receiving and I weighed this against possible financial costs to us. However, what I did not anticipate was the emotion that I would sometimes have to deal with when facing an adversary that seems to be as good as or better manipulator than me. These are the secrets that I’ve been withholding in regards to this matter.

In the beginning of these battles, all I wanted to do was exercise my right not to be pushed around or forced into replacing what I considered (and still do) to be a perfectly good roof. Short of emergency funds, I didn’t want to waste the money and I certainly was not going to  attack a building company owner whom I considered (and still do) to be one of the best around. However, I soon realized (as we were the only holdouts who refused to sue the building company and refused to replace our room) that my partner and I were becoming the target of a concerted attack from a fairly organized group, the gang of 5 as I so un-affectionately called them. I realized that they were using PR and sometimes bullying tactics to get the backing of the community and turn many within the community against us. I suggested to my partner that we also needed to employ such PR tactics to let the others hear our side of the story.

To recap: our side of the story was and still is that, as only the 90 degree roofs had problems and the building company had offered to fix them and reinforce all of the roofs free of charge, why not just let the building company handle it?   Well, apparently the gang had other ideas of charging the building company some extra on the side. Initially, having everyone except for us to sign on to the suit against the building company, they demanded a much higher sum than it would have actually cost to replace all of the roofs. Additionally, the gang (who wouldn’t allow anyone but themselves talk to the company that they had chosen to replace the roofs) sent out estimates to the community members, that were way too high. My partner, a professional accountant realized this and called them out on it. “If” they had been planning to use the additional money to have their own roofs done for free, this would have been a rough blow to them.

The first suit against the building company took more than a year, and during that time the gang exerted pressure on us. Different people would come knocking at out door saying, “we want to compromise, come to a meeting with us, let’s talk about it, let’s compromise,” However, with every meeting, their argument never changed, they just continued to insist that we follow the group. The problem as I saw it was that it wasn’t the group/community that was walking together, but a gang of 5 that was that was manipulating and corrupting the established democratic processes within the community. We eventually got so tired of fighting that we finally agreed to replace our perfectly good roof “as long as we could use high quality black tiles and not the cheap silver ones” that they had already begun using to replace their own roofs. I still do not understand: why on such beautifully designed, expensive buildings would they insist on using lower quality tiles than the ones we had in the first place.  They would not compromise on even one-single point.

By the end of the second or third year, all of the roofs except for ours had been replaced and the community members that had sued the building company had lost both cases, one in the low court and one in the high court. At that point, my partner could perhaps have let things be and I guess they may have finally left us alone. However, whereas the gang of 5 had violated established community procedures  or Housing law, verbally insulted us and attempted to bully us by placing barriers in front of our home, we on the other hand had decided to abide by the laws of the system and respond via a legal path. This meant that, whereas whatever they threw at us would usually hit us almost immediately, our legal response would be delayed.

Last night while walking back to the community, my partner heard a man say something like, when dog bite dog, all they end up with is hair in their mouths. I won’t argue with that: this is like a dog fight; Mr X puts plastic cone barriers in front of my home/pathway and I remove them. Mr Y sees my partner and proceeds to hurl insults at her which are likely to be recorded by us. As it stands now, during the year and a half that my partner has been studying law, she has filed at least 5 court cases, argued one in the lower court and is currently arguing one in the higher court. She is getting an incredible legal education.

In conclusion - for now

I’ve recently been experiencing an increase of emotion in relation to having cones placed in front of my home. I see the man who does it and I’ve asked him to stop blocking the pathway, but he just ignores me and walks away. I feel frustrated that I should have to endure this abuse. Whereas he gets his immediate permission from the community committee to do as he pleases, even though it’s illegal, I have to wait for the legal process to take its course. I am able to wait; however, I also realize that I must address and take responsibility for the points of emotion that I have been acutely aware of building up within me. Thus, I will write extensive self-forgiveness and self-commitment/correction statements on this subject in an attempt to understand and eliminate the undercurrent designs within me. BTW, the reason his manipulation skills piss me off is because, the manipulator I see in him is me.