I had another dream in relation to the point of alcohol. I was at a bar, inside the bar with a couple of people that I knew, but not enough to remember their names. I had been trying for some time to get a beer and was getting a little frustrated feeling more and more thirsty. Then I walked outside (I guess in search of a beer) and saw tables outside, open spaces with a flowing river and I knew that, outside in the open air was where I wanted or needed to be. When I saw my friends again, I explained to them that, as they didn’t know me very well, as demonstrated by me not yet remembering their names, they of course wouldn’t know that I prefer to be outside. Thus, I suggested that we go outside in the open air instead of hanging around inside in a closed space. Then the bartender came back and I told her that I wanted a beer, a good beer one of those traditional ones. She ran off a list and then said, how about a Fighter, there are still a of them left. I’ll have a Fighter, I replied and then I awoke from my dream. I wonder if I’m even employing sarcasm in my dreams to avoid actually getting to the heart of the matter. I’ve noticed that this is another means of preoccupying or diverting myself away from the subject, talking or writing around the it rather than diving straight into it.
The addiction character, played by me is of course of and as me, at least a part of me, one that I have sometimes done battle with - perhaps symbolized sarcastically by the word “fighter” in the dream. In the past, I used to call myself a working or functional alcoholic because I would drink alcohol most nights of the week, never at work or during working hours - hence the term working alcoholic. Drinking was simply how I spent much of my time when I wasn’t cleaning the house, working or taking care of other business. Even my postgraduate and extracurricular studies, thousands and thousands of hours of them were often done with beer, whisky or wine, sometimes all together and sometimes even with cigar. In looking back, although I was not always necessarily happy or unhappy during those times, I do not recall ever feeling fulfilled. In fact, there were several times in my life when I just dropped a good job or a successful business to search for something more. The problem was that I kept searching for more out there to fulfill me, rather than creating that fulfilment from within.
Then about ten years ago, when I found Desteni and as I began investigate information about our existence and apply the tools of self-improvement or self creation, I began to realize that perhaps there is in deed more to life and living. It was The Design of Alcohol and Alcoholics that most caught my attention. Actually, it did more than catch my attention. It presented to me the design of an obstacle, one that I knew from that moment on would be perhaps the biggest obstacle of my process in this lifetime. Thus, over the years, I investigated, as per “the design’s” advice, pushing myself to observe and experiment. The first real experiment I did consisted of focusing on the point of drinking and stopping it via mind over matter. Unfortunately, what I didn’t realize at the time was that, in focusing on not drinking (as the positive or opposite polarity in relation to drinking), I was also charging the point of drinking as the negative polarity. Accordingly, one day about 8 or 9 years ago while I was shopping for some food, out of the corner of my eye I saw some beer. I didn’t even attempt to try to stop myself from buying it, because at that point the energy of that polarity had built up to such an extent that I as that entity or personality was already completely consumed and possessed by it. It’s a sly, patient and devious mind of mine, which brings me to another point that I’ve been considering in relation to freedom within control or “structure” which I would also prefer to use instead of the word control.
In considering that the addiction character as a mind entity (like a parasite that is aware and living off the physical body) is within and as me, it is also important for me realize that this entity, perhaps like a personality of the mind, probably has full access to me as mind, perhaps even more that I am aware. As such, there’s no way I’m going to to go to battle (as I did before) with this point because it would be like starting a war within myself, one that no one would win. Why? Because no matter which strategy I employ, short of complete self-honesty, there’ll be a counter strategy to keep me cycling around and around. Thus, my plan is to work with the mind, being and body for the benefit of all of me.
It’s kind of like my approach to dealing with viruses. As viruses are part of what is here within and as, why should I be instructing my body to attack what is within and as me, while voicing words of oneness and equality? This is not to say that strong antibiotics are not sometimes essential to dealing with viruses and physical ailments, but that our sometimes bellicose or warlike approach to dealing with viruses, AI and other designs should perhaps be reconsidered. In short, when dealing virused in the body (and this is another experiment that I’ve been working on), instead of imagining and/or sounding instructions for one’s immune system to attack the viruses, perhaps a better approach to sound words or instructions of unity, embracing the viruses and all else within and as the body equally as one from the starting point of cooperating to coexist in a way or form that is best for all. Like so much of this existence, the viruses just want to survive. Herein, the choice is to continue competing, cycling through the stages of winning and losing or to change tactics, changing our starting point from one of opposition to one of cooperation.
As the addiction character within and as me is perhaps an entity, kind of like a virus, it is not to oppose it - as this will just energize it more. Instead it is to… This is my question or quest that I’ll continue investigating as I walk this path of letting go of the secrecy while expanding my self-honesty - which is also an investigation for me.