You know I used to think or believe that I could write on subjects such as Responsibility and put everything into one post. I used to believe that I could put it all into one page, one sentence and even one word. Honesty, I am still 100% certain that I/we are able to put all our communications of a moment into one word or one sound, I’m just not quite sure how to do that right now. Thus, I focus on what I do understand right now, the process of writing it all out, forgiving myself and rearranging the sentences into guidelines of commitments to walk and live. Which, once again brings me back to this all encompassing topic called self-responsibility.
In my last post, I wrote about how instead of taking my mind’s cue and fueling the emotions of people around me, I directed myself to speak, move or stand from a starting-point intention of toning down the emotional energy of the environment. In looking some more at this point, I see that, instead taking the bait (of other minds) and counter attacking or arguing back, I lowered my guard (metaphorically speaking) and stood there at the receiving end of the energy/emotions that were being targeted at me. Strangely enough, I actually even began singing (if you can call it that), basically letting out a various sounds as though I were attempting to background melody for the chorus. I’m not sure that it did any good, but it certainly didn’t fuel the fire any more. I think perhaps it has something to do with commitments I’ve written to stand as a sound of harmony for the purpose of harmonizing my environment. Or perhaps, I just lacked the right words, the living words. Hmm.
Anyway, while standing on the targeted end of an outpouring of emotion, I also noticed a familiar self-definition arising from within me. To put it into words, this definition was saying to me, “hey, you’re being abused and it’s not only your right, but your duty to retaliate and put these people in their places.” Thankfully though, I didn’t allow myself to embrace and become that definition, but even though it only lasted only for a moment, a strangeness, like an echo of uneasiness still lingered within me for part of the day. It was as though that particular moment were to have been a cause of uneasiness due to bad relations that were to have been created between me and a couple of people in the office. The only thing is that the moment didn’t playout as it as per the usual program.
The point that I wanted to make here in relation to self-responsibility is that, sometimes (as one is able), it may be supportive to stand for a moment on the so-called receiving end of high pitched discord. Actually, it’s not even the “receiving end,” as long as we simply let the energy run its course, going right through us without getting hung up on any self definitions. Furthermore, I also realize that even though it might appear to some as though the one remaining stable and not retaliating is being abused, it’s not actually abusive to the stable one due to the stability creating a kind of harmony of mind, being and body - ideally.
Here I am not now suggesting that we should all go around allowing ourselves to be yelled at and screamed at all the time. Merely that there will be times when people around us become emotional and even possessed. In such times, I now see that the best I am able to do for myself, others and my immediate environment as a whole is to remain stable, non confrontational and non aggressive so as to let emotions run their course without retaliating and making the situation worse. In doing this the other day in relation to some people in my office, I see that, not only did I prevent the situation from getting worse, but (from my perspective) I also assisted and supported others as well as myself in my work environment.
Finally, the coolest thing about this episode, experience or moment is that, except for that tiny bit of self definition of feeling as though I deserved to retaliate (a point of my personal process), I didn’t experience any pain (as I might have in the past) in relation to the energy that was being aimed at me. Very interesting.
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